I gave my boyfriend the "love test" and told him that we wouldn't sleep together any more. He's a nice guy, but he didn't say much. What do you think he's thinking? He likes me, and honestly I'm a wreck without him, so neither one of us wants to break up.

I'm glad you gave your boyfriend the love test (and I'm proud of you for having the courage to do it). When a girl gives a guy the love test, I think she can get three results.

One: He leaves (either immediately or gradually) because he isn't getting sexual favors any more.

Two: He says he's cool with it, but before long he's trying to do other sexual stuff, and he just doesn't get the whole idea of purity. He may even emotionally manipulate or pressure the girl, telling her that he loves her, or reminding her that she used to do it (as if she forgot). If a man cannot control his own sexuality, he'll try to control a girl, taking her emotionally hostage and making her think that giving him sexual favors will fulfill her emotional need for true intimacy. If she falls for this, she ends up burned.

All along, though, she's sure he's a "nice" guy. And maybe he is "nice." But let's face it: almost every guy on earth has the ability to be "nice." I used to have a hamster who was "nice." But how many men can have the maturity and courage to lead you to holiness and God's will for you? If he does not have that quality, you do not want to marry him, regardless of his niceness. And if you know he is not marriage material, then no matter how he makes you feel, you should not let the relationship go on. We all hear about how some guys use girls for physical gratification. What's often not admitted is that some girls use guys for emotional gratification. I'm not saying that this is your situation, because I do not know your relationship. Only your heart (and those who know and love you best) can judge these things.

Three: He accepts it, and actually leads the relationship to purity. This last reaction unfortunately is the least common, because when a girl has to draw the line for a guy, it shows that he's not leading her to purity to begin with. When I dated Crystalina, she never had to say "no" to me, because I would never put her in a compromising situation. Ultimately, that's what a girl should hold out for: a guy who has high standards himself, and does not need to have the girl beg him to behave.

Have you ever been to the grocery store, and ended up with one of those carts that has a messed up wheel with a mind of its own, and it keeps wanting to veer off and take out some aisle display? No matter how you try to correct it, it never improves. That's like a lot of physical relationships that go on and off and on and off, while one partner always hopes it will get better. When it seems to improve, they get their hopes up, but the cycle usually just starts over. The thing breaks off and one person starts missing the other, and the game begins again. While apart, one assumes "Well, I know the relationship wasn't perfect, but having someone is at least better than having no one. . . We did have some good times."

Instead of taking the break to grow in independence and maturity, their lives can become a teenage soap opera, and it begins to look like two people circling around in a revolving door, without going anywhere. The reason I am going on about this is because I see so many girls try so hard to make their relationships work, and they usually end up hurt, having wasted years of their life getting nowhere.

You had mentioned that you are a wreck without him, and so I must warn you to be careful. I just would never want you to get hurt. At times we go beyond good physical boundaries, and at times we pass emotional boundaries. If you are a wreck without him, then you should not be dating him--or anyone for that matter. A lack of independence and self-esteem will cause you to allow yourself to settle for less, out of fear that nothing better will come along. Do not be afraid. Stay strong and pure.