Instead of trying to enlighten your friend, be thankful that she cares so much about you. Even if you disagree with her, at least realize that you've found a true friend. Proverbs 28:23 says that the person who rebukes you will get more thanks in the end than the one who flatters you.
So, let's take a look at why she's bugging you. Since I don't know the details of your relationship, I want you to read the following list and have the courage to be honest with yourself. Here's my list of the top ten rationalizations made by girls in unhealthy relationships:
1. "He's really sweet." Girls in dead-end relationships often zone in on the positive qualities of a guy in order to distract themselves from the negative aspects of the relationship. What she does not realize is that being sweet is not difficult. Most house-pets can do the same. The real question is: Why is he sweet?
2."We're not always doing it. There's more to our relationship than sex." Rationalization number two is when girls compare themselves with others who have a string of meaningless hook-ups. Since she's not always in bed with her boyfriend, and they have other common interests, she assumes that the relationship is a balanced one. The idea that they're "not always doing it" distracts her from the fact that they should not be doing it at all.
3. "We've been together so long." The length of a relationship does not determine its value. I know it's difficult to end something when you've invested so much of yourself, but this is not a reason to stay. To cling to a bad relationship would be like saying, "I know I'm driving in the wrong direction, but we've already gone ten miles. Let's just keep going until we circle the globe." Turn around. After all, the longer you drag on a bad relationship, the longer it will take to heal.
4. "I already gave myself to him." Having slept with someone is not evidence that you should stay in the relationship. It's just a reason why you find it difficult to leave. When you sleep with someone, you create a bond that is not easily broken. Part of this is due to a hormone called oxytocin, which is released in your brain during sex. It causes a massive emotional bond, impairs your critical thinking abilities, helps you to forget bad memories of the guy, and causes you to trust him more. All of this is great in marriage, but it's a recipe for disaster outside of marriage. That's because you lose your ability to clearly see the value of a relationship. It binds you and blinds you. You downplay the negative until it's too late to ignore.
5. "My family really likes him." To test how much your parents like your boyfriend, imagine the looks on their faces if you disclosed the full truth about your relationship. If the image of your dad running to find his shotgun comes to mind, odds are you're parents only like who they think he is. Some parents know about the sexual activity of their teens, and seem not to care. Others may even encourage such activity. You can be sure that such attitudes are not in the best interests of the teens.
6. "But we really love each other." In the words of Pope John Paul II, "Love is not merely a feeling. It is an act of the will that prefers, in a constant manner, the good of others to the good of one's self.". Simply put, if you love one another, you do what is best for each other. Lead each other to heaven.
7."He doesn't pressure me to have sex." He may not be pressuring you to have sex, but he's probably not pressuring you to be pure, either. More than likely, he'll take everything you'll give him. I remember one high school guy asking me, "Do you ever tell the girls that we sometimes tell them we're okay not having sex so that they'll give it to us?" Players know that girls are more likely to sleep with them if they can get her to feel like she's choosing it. She feels honored that he's not pressuring her, and this lowers her inhibitions. But even if the girl is the one who urges him, or the decision is mutual, this does not make the sexual activity moral, or the relationship healthy.
8."We both agree with it." If mutual consent made sex moral, then even prostitution would be fine. What couples often refuse to see is that sexual activity involves more than the two of them. Their children could be created, their parents could be devastated, and their future spouses could be affected. But most importantly, they are ignoring God, who is the author of love. This is why St. Augustine defined lust as "that affection of the mind that aims at the enjoyment of one's self and one's neighbor without reference to God."
9. "He'd be devastated if we broke up." If your relationship is unhealthy, then you'll end up devastated if you stay. A man who can not stand on his own two feet without you is not the man who you want to marry. Such a dependant man will not make a good husband and father. Therefore, his dependency is not a reason to remain, but evidence that you should leave.
10. "He'll change." I recently met a woman who dated a guy who had some personal problems, but she always hoped he would change. Now, a decade into their marriage, she's seeking a divorce because things only grew worse with time. All too often, girls romanticize about the future so that they won't have to focus on today. If you want to think about the future, ask yourself, "Am I content with this kind of guy raising my children?" Give your kids the best, and don't ever date a guy hoping he'll change. It's unfair to him and to you. Besides, it's not your job to be his messiah.
I'm not sure how many of these points you recognized, but I hope that you'll be brave enough to consider why your friend doesn't like your boyfriend. Odds are, it's because she wants what's best for you, and it's not him. If you recognized some of these warning signs in your relationship, don't be afraid that you'll never find a better guy. I'm sure that there are many times whey your boyfriend is a fabulous guy, and I know that I've really zoned in on the negatives. But the reason I have done this is because I also want what is best for you. Your friend only wants the same.
. Pope John Paul II, "Message of the Holy Father to the Youth of the World," 22 February 2004.
. St. Augustine, On Christian Doctrine, Book III, Chapter 10.